i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
