Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
