Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
