Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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