just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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