If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
