She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
