i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I deserve this hangover.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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