Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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