bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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