The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you had me at cake vodka
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
