nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
