got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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