Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
