ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
