I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
