Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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