oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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