WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
