I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
