my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
