i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
