i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
