Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
