You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
