wat bout pragnant strippers??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
