Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
