I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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