I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
