You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
