where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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