too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
