Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
