ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
