i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
