I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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