He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
