I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
