If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
