What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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