yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
