What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
