Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
