My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
