It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
