I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I didn't notice because vodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
