there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
