She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
