my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
