Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
