Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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