ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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