Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
