She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
