i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
