Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
