you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am midnight drunk by noon
no you cant smoke seaweed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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